the world in technicolor

With another semester, another year over, I think it's about time for a little reflecting.

I have changed so much over, say, the past year and a half. I have become a lot more optimistic than I ever was before, and I now have a much more positive outlook on life. I've also become somewhat more outgoing, and have worked really hard at being healthy, which is an ongoing battle, of course.

Yet, it hasn't been quite enough. I'm not entirely satisfied with my life, mainly because I'm still largely lacking in self-confidence and I'm not entirely sure why, or how to fix it.

I have been hurt many times in my life, too many times if you ask me. Most often, it has been by people who were close to me. Middle school and high school were pretty much hell for me, and I think the repeated experiences of having friends turn on me, being made fun of, and being ignored and left out really took a toll on my self-esteem. I know, you might say, "Well, high school's rough on everyone," but obviously it's harder on some than on others. I was never very confident in myself to begin with, and I guess I was just weaker than most, allowing myself to turn inward and withdraw from the world. More than anything else, during these years I learned that friends cannot be trusted to always be there for you. I think because of this, I became introverted and hesitant to make friends, afraid of being hurt again. I ended up alone for most of my time in high school. Needless to say, I never had a boyfriend, because I had closed myself off from almost everyone around me.

When I left high school, I vowed that all of this would change. I would be far away from everyone who had hurt me in the past, I would be surrounded by new friends in a new environment, I would finally be independent...so, it should be easy, right? Well...not necessarily. I definitely feel more accepted among my peers now, and I've finally found the sense of belonging that I so desperately needed in high school. But, I still seem to be stuck in a moment that I can't get out of, to borrow a line from U2. Even today, I rarely feel good about myself, and am often so afraid of rejection that I keep my mouth shut, preferring to stay silent in discussion-based classes even if I have something to say, for example. I have been allowing my experiences in high school to define who I am now. It doesn't help that I'm still plagued by the thought that I got into Cornell by mistake and that I'm not half as smart as most of the people here.

But now, for real this time, it's going to stop. I'm acknowledging that high school is over, and that I need to move on with my life. I can't change anything that happened to me, or how I reacted to it, but I can change my current attitude. I can force myself to open up and tear down the walls that I've built around myself. I can stop taking life so seriously and not be afraid of making a fool of myself, because now I won't be as harshly judged for it. I can stop telling myself that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, whatever, because those things only become true when I allow myself to believe them. I am better than that and I will be stronger than that. There is much that I can't control, but I can control my own mind, starting with the way I think about myself.

For starters, here's a few of my resolutions for the new year:

1) Work on my self-confidence. This is hard to define, but I'm going to speak up more in class, stop being hesitant to talk to people, do ambitious things without doubting myself too much, tell myself that I'm pretty, and *gasp* talk to guys.

2) Find love! This will be my year, I know it. I deserve to be in love just as much as anyone else, and maybe I'm not such a horrible, disgusting, ugly person that I'm incapable of being loved. I'm sick and tired of being alone and seeing people around me happy with their  relationships while I've never had that in my life.

3) Keep in touch with people. Because I'm sick of losing friends by not keeping in touch. I'm also going to stop assuming that just because someone doesn't contact me means that they don't like me and don't want to be friends anymore, because that's silly.

4) Lose weight, exercise, eat healthy foods, blah blah blah...the old cliche.

This year, I will make even more positive changes to my life, because there's still plenty of room for improvement. I refuse to be miserable, I refuse to wallow in self-pity. Most importantly, I refuse to be the same quiet, forgettable girl that I was back then, who sat silently in the corner while every one else had fun. Already, I'm rapidly becoming someone else. 

Finally, I will not be a pessimist, not if I have my way.

"This is not just a song, I'm going to put these words in action. I hope it sums up the way I feel to your satisfaction."

One of my goals this summer was to write more...I see that hasn't been going so well...

So I had this really bizarre dream last night. Er, yesterday afternoon, since I was so exhausted after work that I took a nap, which I seldom do. I really don't dream often, or at least I almost never remember my dreams, so when I do it's always rather exciting. This one was so vivid, too, and so completely random that it practically begs for an interpretation.

I dreamt that I was at some sort of aquarium, or zoo, or something. I think it was on the Cornell campus although we don't really have anything of the sort there, so I'm not really sure. It might have been some new tourist attraction there, to add to the growing collection. Anyway, I was there by myself, meandering about in the reptile room. I approached the snake exhibit, a collection of deadly snakes from around the world, which was quite fittingly called "The Predators."

The employees were passing snakes around fearlessly, even allowing the visitors to get up-close-and-personal with the animals. Before long I found myself in the company of a small, thin snake, which had gracefully and gently wrapped its slender body around my left arm. I noticed that it was striped just like the rubber bracelets I was wearing (and always wear) on that wrist.

Now, admittedly I'm not a huge snake fan. Normally I would have been freaking out at this point. But for some reason, I felt completely at ease with the thing on my arm. When I saw how docile it acted, I started walking around with it, thinking, "Hey, this is pretty cool." I figured they must have been trained so well that I could have nothing to fear.

Suddenly, I remembered my cousin Mike in California, who is HUGELY into reptiles and everything having to do with reptiles. I thought I should try to take a few pictures to show him the odd thing--for me, at least--that I was experiencing. Perhaps he could tell me a bit about the species of snake that was now happily hitching a ride with me. I dug around in my purse for my camera, and as I pulled it out, I glanced over at my new companion just in time to see it open its jaws and close them like a vice right on the fleshy part of my thumb.

At first, I was in complete disbelief that I had just been bitten by a potentially deadly snake. I didn't feel anything initially, so I thought maybe I was seeing things, and that it would turn out to be nothing. But the animal still had my thumb in its firm, relentless grip. Then, out of nowhere, I felt pain beyond anything I had ever imagined shooting through my left arm. All sorts of thoughts began to swirl through my head at that point: the extraordinary strength of a snake's jaws...they were supposedly more powerful than...a lot of things...did anyone see what was happening to me?...was this snake venomous?...I didn't even know for sure...they say you should suck the venom out...

I think I must have screamed then, out of sheer pain. And then...I woke up.

I have no idea why I would have a dream about a snake, which makes this all the more interesting. I do like to believe that dreams are sometimes meant to warn us about some future event, or give us insight into our waking lives that we may not be able to obtain elsewhere. Here's what www.dreammoods.com has to say about snakes in dreams:

"To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you.  Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes."

Well...I haven't really been worried about much lately, so I don't know if that's it. Sexuality is pretty much nonexistent in my life right now so that's probably not it. And I wasn't afraid of the snake at all, but rather took to it very well. Maybe this could represent my longing for a relationship? But it bit me...so perhaps this means that someone I'm close to, or will be close to, is going to betray my trust and stab me in the back. It wouldn't be the first time, although I don't have any suspects at the moment. Before the snake bit me, though, it was a very positive symbol, making me feel confidant and self-assured, so maybe this is a reflection of positive change that is about to occur. I hope so! 

As a side note, I always seem to have my most vivid dreams when I'm under strange conditions, like when I'm sleeping in a hotel or when I'm drugged up on painkillers after having wisdom teeth pulled...or, as in this case, when I'm napping on my parents' bed in the late afternoon, in a wet bathing suit, with the AC on full blast. Go figure.

I'd better get to bed now, as I have to get up early to take my road test in the morning! Hopefully, the next time I write, I will be a licensed driver! It'll be about time.

"And the anchor person on TV goes la, di da, di da, di de di da di daaaahhh..." -The Decemberists

EDIT: For the record, I think I figured out the symbolism of the snake in my dream...I failed my road test. 

Today is pretty much the most convoluted day I've had in a long time. I got up at 5:30 this morning, and arrived at work at 7:00, only to be told that I was on the schedule for 2-10, not 7-1. Somehow I got it mixed up...I'm still not sure how. But I was pissed. I was all ready to work an easy, fast shift, too. I can't stand second shift anymore. For one thing, it always ruins my entire day, because it tempts me to sleep in, leaving me with little free time. Besides that, it's so unbearably DULL. So then I came home and slept for another two hours, and now here I am, trying to figure out what I have enough time left to do before I have to leave and resign the rest of my Saturday to Tim Horton's. And yes, it is Saturday, as a matter of fact. It doesn't feel like one, probably because I've been off the past four days and now that it's the weekend, I have to work. At least the weather isn't the greatest at the moment. Sometimes I wonder if my mood is simply a reflection of the weather conditions outside...

So far, this summer has been pretty miserable, and not just because of the craptastic weather. I'm stuck working this shit job while it seems like everyone around me is out having fun, taking trips, doing exciting research, or just working a job they actually enjoy. And honestly, I'm sick of it. Next summer will NOT be like this, I'll make sure of it. I'm going to do something big with my next summer. At the moment the plan is to study in London, something I've been wanting to do but might not happen if I wait. But even if that doesn't work out, I'll get a fun job (maybe even...an INTERNSHIP!) or at least something that doesn't make me feel like I'm wasting my time.

I have to admit, though, this summer does have a few things going for it. I've been working really hard at improving my driving so hopefully I'll pass my road test next month and will finally have my license! After that, I'll be free to quit TH because I'll be able to drive to a job father away than a few streets over. In addition, I've been hitting up the gym quite frequently in an attempt to lose weight. I might not reach my goal of twenty pounds, but any little bit helps. I've been reading quite a bit. I've been practicing keyboard and now guitar almost non-stop (since I'm going to be living in a dorm for music lovers this coming school year, I feel like I need to be as accomplished a musician as possible). And of course, I attended the greatest concert of my life, which also happened to be one of the greatest experiences of my life so far, and there's no way I can disregard that. So, maybe this summer hasn't been all bad. But still...I can't wait to be back on the hill! I miss Cornell so much. I suppose that's how you know you've chosen the right school.

Wow...I really do tend to rant about something every time I write. Honestly, in real life I don't complain this much, ever!

"The sweetest melody's the one we haven't heard." -U2

So I'm back working at Tim Horton's, at last...a fact about which I have mixed feelings. It's nice to have something to do with my time other than sit around at home, and the paychecks are pretty awesome...but I feel like my summer has just come to a screeching halt. I'm working every day this week except today, and although I only have three days next week, it'll probably be worse in weeks to come. Not to mention, it's not exactly the most enjoyable job in the world, unless getting screamed at by bitchy customers and trying to take care of 187643 things at one time is your idea of fun. But whatever...I shouldn't complain, because my mom doesn't even have a job now and I should consider myself lucky to be working. And it's not like I would be out partying every day or anything, anyway.

Stay tuned for upcoming horror stories direct from the world of food service.

"Do you think about me now and then? Oh! Now I'm coming home again. Maybe we could start again."

How can I possibly sum up the amazing experience I had last night? Where do I even begin? Well, I suppose I could start by saying that no words I use could possibly do it justice. I'm talking about the incredible show put on at Darien Lake by one of the biggest rock groups around and by far my favorite band, Coldplay. Of course, there's no way I can write an objective review of the concert, being as huge a fan as I am, but seeing them live for the first time seemed to make it very clear to me just why they've had such a strong hold on me as well as on listeners around the world, if ever I had questioned this before. I really hope, and sincerely believe, that if there was anyone who doubted the band's musical power in the audience last night, their mind was changed by the phenomenal performance given.


My sister and I arrived at the venue slightly early, and waited in a huge line for a bit until the doors opened. I was sporting a Viva La Vida shirt and the black military-style jacket I had bought specifically for the concert and had decorated with colorful armbands made from bandanas, to replicate Chris Martin's style. I actually only saw one other person wearing a similar jacket, which surprised me...I guess I was more hardcore than most of the people there. After chugging some free Vitamin Water that was handed to us, we entered the venue, and found our seats which were slightly better than I had expected, in section 201. The opening acts, an Australian group called Howling Bells and indie-rocker Pete Yorn, were pretty good; unfortunately, the place was more than half empty for their performances, and those who were present seemed to pay them little attention. I hoped that trend wouldn't continue for the headliner. Before long, that classical piece that everyone recognizes but few seem to know the name of (The Blue Danube by Johann Strauss) played, signaling that the show would start soon. I got ridiculously excited, knowing that the moment I had waited for so long was almost here. On the last note of the song, the lights went down, and we all started screaming as hard as we could while four sparklers held aloft appeared behind a veil on the stage, and a recorded version of Life In Technicolor began to play. The lights came up and the band went right into the rocking Violet Hill, a song that always blows me away with its power. Right from the getgo, I was impressed by the energy of the audience, which was on its feet and merrily singing and screaming throughout the entire show. I had assumed that Coldplay were not very popular in Buffalo, which would translate into a weak reception by the crowd, but I was completely wrong, it seems.


The boys romped through hit after hit, and with each song I tried to sing more loudly and scream more shrilly, though by about the third song in I had almost lost my voice already. My sister didn't seem to have any problem with this, of course! I couldn't believe how fast it seemed to be going by. Let's see...In My Place, probably one of my favorites, was so upbeat and electrifying, with Jonny's awesome guitar riff; Clocks was definitely a highlight, as this was the song that first made me fall in love with them, and is still one of their best, with the laser-light show accenting the music; Yellow was brilliant, with the flashing yellow lights and balloons of the same color bouncing about the crowd; Glass Of Water, a newer song, was amazing with its anthemic 7/8 time chorus, and seems to have been made with this type of show in mind; 42 was also memorable, starting off as a Beatles-esque piano ballad and becoming incredibly upbeat in the second half, finally to return to the piano ballad in the end, with Chris panting and pretending to be out of breath right before letting out a long, beautiful, piercingly pure note to end the song (he made a glance-at-watch gesture in the middle of this note--ah, I love him!); Strawberry Swing was beautifully mellow and really didn't need any extra effects, because it's so well written; Fix You was propelled by the audience's singing, and was beautiful and moving as always. Then the band moved to a small stage set up on our level, in the section directly next to us. We all climbed on our chairs to see better, ignoring the scolding of a security guard. It was incredible being that close to the band. From there, they did their techno remix of God Put A Smile Upon Your Face and Talk (I still need to get an audio version of this, because I really like how they've changed it) and then Chris played his piano solos, The Hardest Part and Postcards From Far Away. He also took the opportunity here to talk to the crowd a bit, charmingly as always. He made a mistake at the beginning of The Hardest Part, after which he just laughed and said, "Ok, seriously now!" and started again. He's never afraid to admit when he's messed up, which is one of many things I love about him. A girl next to me kept shouting "I LOVE YOU CHRIS" throughout this set, so I wasn't alone.


After this, they went into the song that has brought them such huge fame and success, the song that everyone had been waiting for, Viva La Vida, and the whole place erupted in singing and screaming. Drummer Will is really a force to be reckoned with on that song, with his pulsating timpani and clanging church bell. At the end of that song, after wildly dancing about the stage, Chris "collapsed" on his back, at which point the audience began to chant "Woah-oh-oh" from the song to "revive" him. I think I was the first one in my section to start this, while everyone else was just screaming, because I knew what we were supposed to do and wanted everyone else to catch on too, which they did. Lost! came after this, with the Magic Balls hanging overhead (that's seriously what they're called) flashing various colors to the music. Chris followed suit with more of his antics, including a brightly colored Chinese dragon head which he wore for a brief time. That was completely random, but I loved it!

Then the band ran to a stage in the back, right in the lawn, to play an acoustic set. One lady near me kept repeating, "Now THAT is cool," and I'd have to agree. It shows that they really care about their fans and are willing to do whatever it takes to connect to them and make the show feel more intimate, something that can be difficult in an amphitheatre of this size. They did Green Eyes (to which the girl next to me responded, "CHRIS I HAVE BLUE EYES!!"), then a little improvised ditty about it being Monday or something (Chris seemed to like this) followed by Death Will Never Conquer as sung by Will, who actually has a really good voice, and a cover of The Monkees' I'm A Believer, a wonderfully goofy singalong. At the end of this, Chris asked each band member individually: "Are you in love?" to which each responded with a resounding "Ooooo," Jonny's being the lowest in pitch. This was followed by what has been dubbed the Mexican Cellphone Wave, a choreographed wave of light that sweeps across the audience. THAT was cool.

After this, they returned to the main stage to play the pounding Politik, the uplifting Lovers In Japan which featured a film of Japanese scenes, an adorable paper umbrella carried by Chris, and TONS of rainbow-colored paper butterfly confetti that was shot out across the audience. This was probably my favorite moment of the show, and the one which I had most highly anticipated. They finished with Death And All His Friends, then came back out for The Scientist (another of my favorites) and Life In Technicolor ii, bringing the show full-circle.

After the show, we scooped up as many paper butterflies as we could, then headed for the exit, me utterly speechless, to pick up our free live album, LeftRightLeftRightLeft, which is given out to everyone who attends a show this summer. It seems they've finally worked out how to distribute these properly, and we had no problem each getting a copy. I felt sorry for the venue worker who had the job of standing at the side with a megaphone, announcing over and over that everyone would be given a CD, one per person...he seemed to be getting incredibly bored saying the same thing over and over, so he tried to liven up his message with some silly jokes and even attempted a Southern accent. I must say, the album is really amazing, and it's great that they did this, as a reward to the fans; it must not have been cheap.

In retrospect, I deifinitely would say the show lived up to my high expectations. It was so magical and emotional and just amazing beyond words for me. My only complaint is that is seemed to go by too quickly for me to take it all in. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to see them live, and I'm already thinking about possibly going again this summer if I can. I feel I must echo the phrase I read in a review of a different show on this tour: life-affirming. This seems to be a very apt description of one of their shows. Sure, some of their music is sad and slow and heart-wrenching, but the overall effect of their music and their concerts is rather very uplifting, and I would say soul-soothing. It just leaves you with this incredible warm, contented feeling, something which most of today's music just can't do. Another thing I noticed which I feel is worth mentioning is the diversity of the crowd at the show. I was astounded by the amount of children there, some even younger than my fourteen-year-old sister. Of course, there were plenty of teenage girls, but I also saw an older couple in front of us with their arms around each other, swaying to the music (this particularly touched me), a family of pre-teen boys and their mother, two drunk ladies dancing about wildly, and others I wouldn't have expected to see at a Coldplay show. This is a testament to the accessibility and universality of their music. It truly draws people of all ages, from all walks of life, men and women alike.

Kudos to Coldplay for bringing true musicality and artistry back to popular music. They have really created something truly meaningful, something most other bands could only dreaming of achieving. I love that their music is considered rock, yet is still so melodious and emotionally charged and brilliantly written as to be called beautiful, and it really is just that. I feel like I owe everything to these four amazing British guys, whose music has brought me so much inspiration and happiness over the years, and I think I can honestly say it has changed my life.

"No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end, I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge, I don't wanna follow Death and all of his friends."

I'm not working at the moment and I'm not in school, so it really doesn't matter that it's Friday, but I guess I can still appreciate the coming of the weekend for all of its weekend-ness.

I went to watch my sister's band perform for NYSSMA at the middle school this morning, and it made me slightly nostalgic for the old days, when NYSSMA was a highly anticipated day of much excitement. Better yet, when everyone around me knew what NYSSMA was. For my imaginary audience, NYSSMA is a music competition for concert bands from schools around NY state--well, not so much a competition as simply a recital in front of judges to earn a plaque. Of course, there is no NYSSMA at the college level, but I really wouldn't mind doing it again. It was always nice to have someone to impress other than the sea of easy-to-please parents at concerts in my high school's auditorium. It made us push the bar a little higher, try a little harder to get really good, and I miss that sense of purpose.

COUNTDOWN TO COLDPLAY: 3 days!! AHHHH SO CLOSE!! I just have to get through this weekend, then I'm home free! I got my spiffy jacket in the mail the other day, I love it. Decorating it should keep me busy for a bit over the weekend. I wonder if I'll see anyone else there with a CM jacket. Maybe I'll be the only crazy, obsessed fangirl there. Doubt it, but that would be quite an honor.

"There's a tangled thread inside my head with nothing on either end." -DCFC

Honestly...I do. Summer has just begun and already I'm bored out of my mind. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I still had friends left at home...psh. How come I feel more at home at school than I do at my actual home? It would be nice if I could drive, too...I'll get working on that.

I joined Twitter fairly recently but it's kind of pointless because not many people I know are on there. And if they are, I have no way of knowing. So I've been going on there mainly to keep up with tweets from Coldplay, in particular the awesome photos posted by Mr. Guy Berryman himself. I love this one:

Chris!! <3 Soo gorgeous. It's really great that Guy is trying so hard to keep the fans feeling connected to the band. Other rock stars probably could care less. Ok, I have to admit now...I'm really liking Twitter. Haha. Except for all the weirdos I don't know who randomly follow me, who have no updates, who I then have to go and block. Ugh.

COUNTDOWN TO COLDPLAY: 8 days!! Yaaaay!!

"So call up the captain, hey hey! Hey hey hey hey hey...well, death to the girl at the end of the serenade." Loving the new Green Day album.

Since my life has suddenly become incredibly boring and I have nothing to talk about, I shall take this opportunity to review a game I've been playing lately. It's called Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World, for the Wii, and it's the sequel to the first ToS, which I fell in love with a good five years ago. As pathetic as it sounds, I'm pretty sure I cried at the end of that game because I didn't want it to be over, so as you can imagine, I was pretty excited when I heard about this. Thus far, I've really been enjoying the sequel, as it retains most of the wonderful qualities of its predecessor, the qualities which make for a great RPG: a strong storyline, memorable characters, challenging dungeons, and an entertaining battle system (the Tales trademark being real-time battles, which are too fun to be an annoyance). I'm really loving the additional voice-overs, too, as they give so much life to the characters; these were superbly done in the first game, but were too few and far-between. The cut scenes are also more frequent now, with better anime-style graphics (the characters no longer look like big-headed children, which is a huge relief). I've found that I get ridiculously excited when I remember something or someone referenced from the last game, although unfortunately there's a lot I seem to have inevitably forgotten, since the plot line is so intricate. I'm afraid I might need a refresher course...

Squee, I found a screenshot:



One of the few complaints I have about the sequel is the new direct travel between towns and other landmarks. It's really been irking me so I'd like to rant about it for a bit. In this game, you go to the world map, select a destination, and BOOM--you're there, with no travel time involved. There is no more roaming of the outer world, through the field, exploring and fighting monsters and whatnot in between cities. At first, this seemed incredibly convenient, but actually, it's rather counterproductive, as I soon discovered. Not being forced to engage in battles all the time leaves my characters weaker than they should be at any given point in the game. I'll make my way through a dungeon only to reach the boss and be easily defeated; consequently I'm sent back to replay the whole thing again. It's horribly frustrating, and I really believe that manually traveling through the field would solve this. Also, no field travel leaves the game play devoid of that "epic journey" feeling, which is so important in any RPG, and it also makes the world feel much smaller than it really is; it's actually TWO worlds in one. I really don't understand why the otherwise brilliant folks at the Tales studio decided to remove this from the game...but whatever. It's still an amazing game (although nothing can beat the original), and I would expect nothing less from the makers of the game that so moved me five years ago.

SIDE NOTE: This is what happens when you're out of school and not working, kids. You start stressing over such silly things as the manner of navigating through a video game. Don't let this be you. But don't worry about me, I'll be going back to work soon enough, and I'll have real-world problems to worry about in due time.

Ok COUNTDOWN TO COLDPLAY: 10 days. Eeeep! I'm so excited. I just ordered a really cute black military-style jacket to wear to the concert, for only ten bucks, too. Plus, I got some colorful bandannas to wrap around the sleeves in order to emulate my hero Chris Martin's jacket. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to show off my fandom when I go. Hopefully, the sleeves won't be so long that they cover up my Chrissy bracelets, because those are essential. Haha, I've turned into a shameless fangirl and I'm loving every second of it!

I am officially DONE with freshman year! WOO HOO! It's such a great feeling to know that I have no endless homework, impossible tests, or dreadful classes to worry about for a few months. And now that I finally have time to spare/waste, I'll be able to blog more frequently! Hooray! Although I won't have much of interest to say, as so many exciting things seem to happen all the time at Cornell while life at home here in Buffalo during the summer can be horribly dull...but I'll be creative, which is something that usually could not happen at school.

Now that my first year of college is over, I am able to look back and reflect upon the last two semesters and the huge life change they brought. I was terrified, at first, of being away from home and away from my family in an unfamiliar place, with entirely unfamiliar people. But before very long, my fear was dissolved; I made some great friends, learned how to navigate the campus, and grew accustomed to the ins and outs of living away from my parents. My adjustment became much easier after I joined the marching band, which welcomed me with open arms and provided me with instant friends and a community to which I felt I belonged. The academic side of life at Cornell was not so easy to adjust to, unfortunately, and I think I'm still somewhat working on that. I have definitely learned to accept Bs and even one C in calculus (which was BY FAR the worst class I have ever taken, for endless reasons...I was thrilled to find that I had passed), and I think more than anything else, I've learned that I'm not perfect, nor is anyone else at Cornell or anywhere for that matter, and that it's more important to work really hard and simply hope for the best. And in the long run, what will a C in a math class for a distribution requirement really matter? I've really learned to place less stock in grades than I had in high school, because, seriously, there are more important things in life...like sleeping. I'm not an advocate of the all-nighter, which seems to be so popular among my peers for some reason I cannot comprehend...

Besides the importance of grades, college is really more different than I could have imagined from high school. The people just seem so much more mature and well-mannered, even when some of them spend their weekends drinking themselves out of their minds. Kids in high school were so petty, catty, and childish, cruelly and heartlessly making fun of others (one victim being your truly) and it's crazy to think how much this age group could have matured in just a few years. Although, I suppose some of it is due to the school I chose to attend; being quite selective, I should think Cornell would boast a higher percentage of students with their priorities straight than, say, UB or ECC. But even though Cornell is in the Ivy League and whatnot, there doesn't seem to be much of an air of competition there, as I had expected. In fact, high school felt much more competitive than college. There was much more of a stratification of minds in high school, with honor roll students at the top, those who were lucky to graduate at the bottom, and more levels in between; everyone knew where they landed. College is so much different. I feel as though we're all at about the same level when it comes to intelligence and academic potential--you really have to be some kind of smart in order to get into Cornell--although everyone excels at something different. Take my roommate and I, for example--she's an engineer, rooted in math and hard sciences, while I'm more into the social sciences and humanities. It doesn't make one smarter than the other, it just shows that intelligence is not monopolized by any one field.

Being away from home was another nice change. It was rough living two and a half hours from my parents and especially my sister, but I really liked the new taste of independence I got to experience. I had never been away for very long before, and I definitely cherish the freedom. It feels so nice to not be dependent upon anyone but yourself for a change. I also think that living in a different environment is something everyone should experience at least once in their life. At a large school like Cornell, in a vibrant community like Ithaca, one is exposed to so many different ideas and viewpoints, from, literally, around the world. It's something I would have never known had I instead stayed here and attended school in Buffalo, with its predominantly white, Catholic, middle-class population.

Now that I'm home, I get to look forward to a fun-filled summer of concerts (COLDPLAY IN TWO WEEKS OMG OMG), reading what I want to read for a change, watching pointless TV shows, and sleeping in till noon! Unfortunately I'll have to go back to work at one point, but until then I shall savor being completely FREE from everything!

So last night I listened to this really great song. Usually every time I hear it I think of a different natural disaster or terrorist attack or something that it could be describing, or perhaps a composite of several such events, but last night it brought to mind the recent crash of Continental Flight 3407, which struck a home in Clarence, NY, killing 50 people.  I was actually moved to tears by how well the song seemed to fit.

Read the lyrics for yourself...they could hardly be more appropriate.

Prospekt's March - Coldplay

Smoke is rising from the houses,
People burying their dead.
I ask somebody what the time is,
But time doesn't matter to them yet.

People talking without speaking,
Trying to take what they can get,
I ask you if you remember,
Prospekt, how could I forget?

Drums...
Here it comes...
Don't you wish that life could be as simple
As fish swimming round in a barrel
When you've got the gun?

Oh and I run...
Here it comes...
We're just two little figures in a soup bowl,
Trying to get behind a kind of control,
But I wasn't one.

Now here I lie, on my own in a separate sky,
And here I lie, on my own in a separate sky,
I don't wanna die, on my own here tonight,
But here I lie, on my own in a separate sky.


If you get the chance, you should listen to the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6gdNOGjvZw

All we can do now is continue to keep the victims' friends and families in our thoughts and prayers, and assure them that, as a community, we will never forget.